Fuck pushstart ignition

Bought my Grandmother’s Buick Verano for cheapy cheap.
Battery dies, we recharge it, keyfobs don’t respond.
Troubleshooting time: is it still the car battery? did the computer forget the keyfobs while the battery was dead? did both keyfobs drain as well?

First step is easy, test keyfobs batteries. Remove the cup holder liner to reveal a mystical Buick secret, a little indentation you can place your keyfob to pushstart the car with a dead fob battery. Nada, that’s not it.

Okay, let’s try resyncing the fobs with the computer. Here begins the aneurism.
Extend door key from fob, lock and unlock the car door 5 times within 10 seconds.
Wait for the display to read something like “read transmitter pending”
Wait 10 minutes, push start.
Wait 10 more minutes, do it again.
Wait another 10 minutes, do it again again.
... 30 minutes later...
Wait for prompt “ready program 1”
Place keyfob in mystical Buick secret hole
Push start engine
Wait for prompt “ready program 2”
Push lock button on fob 1
Place fob 2 in mystical Buick secret hole
Repeat until all fobs are programmed.

Got through the first 30 minutes and was interrupted by a fox eating my chickens. Okay, start over. Get to the part where It’s ready to program the fobs, daughter starts the infernal why game and I forget to press the lock button on the first fob. Car still won’t start, and now I don’t know whether it was the missing step, or if it’s just the car battery. Now the tough question: potentially waste another 30 min, or just set the car on fire and buy a car with turnkey ignition?

Who? Who the fuck came up with all of this shit?

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CanHasPants wrote:

,,,

Who? Who the fuck came up with all of this shit?

Probably some real go-getter in the marketing department. Chipped keys offer the same security with fewer issues.

But... people like to feel like special snowflakes... /rolleyes

Recent test drive I went for SUV had a push start ignition.
Ended up with a key ignition.

Keep at it with reprogramming.
Once it is done, you *should* never have to do it again...unless the battery dies ofc.

"

CanHasPants wrote:

...Who? Who the fuck came up with all of this shit?

The Car Dealership Mechanic's Guild, of course. Don't you know that you're not supposed to do anything to a car but put gas in it? Anything more than that and "You need to take it to the place that has the guy that has the thing to do the thing."

This is all very alien to me. I've only owned manual transmission and push start is one of those golden perks. Coast backwards, pop the clutch + turn the key and good to go. Takes 2 min.

I recall driving on a dead battery for 2 weeks once.

Easier with a lighter car of course. I had a 1980 z28 long ago. Thing was a tank but it was custom with low gears for umm.. recreational purposes. It could smoke rubber in 3rd gear. Then Gas went from 89 cents to $3 a gallon so a V8 was not ideal anymore. I kinda wish I kept that monster.

When I read this a while back, the thought that came to mind is the world would be a better place if tech support only had to devote time and effort to "real" troubleshooting like these headaches.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgdQLWpFudA

I had to look this up but it wasn't too different from my time in the cubicle either.

Thank you for the entertaining post. I sympathize.